she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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