Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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