My first STD was from a foam party
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize