She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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