At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
