eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
