imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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