While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
