Moan for me like Helen Keller
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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