I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish you could order shots online.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
