youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
