yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
