these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
