upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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