i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
my liver is dry heaving
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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