actually, I'm a sock model
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
