you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
