He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
