I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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