Pappa wants mamma naked
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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