I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
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