For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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