I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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