I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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