so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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