Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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