I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
