I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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