You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
