We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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