She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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