how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
