You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
