I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
