yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
