He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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