I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
