I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
this just has baby written all over it
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
