Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
