she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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