My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
