nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
