i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
