so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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