I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize