So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
