This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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