My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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