Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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