i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
