the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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