I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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