8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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