Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Semen is not good for contacts.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
