Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
