How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
