please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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