I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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