So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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