In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
