that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
