i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
