I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
